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Think Like A Man

Hey everyone! After a little hiatus this summer, the Profitt is back!!

If you like romantic comedies like I do, then you’ve probably seen this summer’s hit Think Like A Man. The on-screen spin on Steve Harvey’s book definitely spelled out the rules of dating for singles in 2012. Let me dive into some of the highlights to this film

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RywDEKvRSxY

I loved the part where Steve Harvey says, “Don’t hate the player, change the game.” This proves the point that if you want something of value, you may have to hit the reset button on “social norms” when it comes to dating.

Megan Good’s character Mia, enacted a 90-day rule, before getting intimate with another man. She did this in response to having had sex with some that broke her heart and obviously didn’t care about her as a person.

Waiting to get physical is a good approach, because it forces two people to actually work at getting to know our partners. I think 90 days is appropriate in our sex driven culture, but I’d even suggest waiting longer than that. Why, you ask? Because the emotional connection that you form with someone you’re having sex with is so strong that it makes it hard to break-up if the relationship doesn’t work out.

 

Another good point Harvey made was reminding Taraji P. Henderson’s character, Lauren, to make her man feel like a man. I know we are living in the independent woman era, ever since Destiny’s Child made the hit song in 2000, but a man still have to play his role as a man. Now ladies, before you start with the “I can do everything on my own, if he does it I will feel weak” spiel, remember a real woman has a slew of responsibilities so if you are handling yours you won’t have to worry about his.

But enough about what I think, I want to know what you felt about this movie family!

The film certainly wasn’t perfect, as some of the couples didn’t even look like they knew each other (cough..Gabrielle Union and her guy), let alone been together for 9 years. The film did, however, get the important conversation started on how people approach courtship in today’s world.

 

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Courtship and PR

We’ve touched on some heavy subjects throughout this semester. So let’s switch gears in to something fun. Some of you know that I am studying public relations. I also love God, and His view of courtship. So I want to talk to you about how the skills I’ve learned as a PR student, can be applied to your search for an enjoyable dating experience.

Branding

All of you business majors are familiar with this term, but it goes farther than the logos on store products.

Knowing who you are, and what marketable qualities you possess is an important part of courtship; especially for fellas when they pursue you ladies. A Bible verse that always comes to mind is Matthew 7:6 “Don’t give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw pearls before swine.” A brand marketer knows the value of his product, and targets it to a specific demographic. Likewise, your life, time, energy, and abilities are God’s pearls so don’t waste them on someone who, by nature, can’t appreciate what you’re offering.

Problem Solving

PR is centered on identifying a problem and solving it. Whether it’s BP articulating who’s to blame for its oil spill, or Charlie Sheen trying to regain his fan base so he can get back to winning. Single men and women tend to have a basic problem to solve: having the desire to be loved but having to find a suitable partner. Or on the other hand, couples looking to take their courtship to the next level must become experts at this skill, if they want a long and fruitful marriage. PR pros usually sit down before creating a campaign and draw up a list of goals, objectives, strategies and tactics. Apply this to your dating situation to make it more intentional, and cut out the frills that are weighing your plan down.

Social Media 

Today’s PR person is affluent in the integration of several forms of technology to get a company’s “message” to the public. Maneuvering your way to your mate’s heart might take the same savvy. Today young couples are having long distance relationships, so using video chat software like Skype is becoming prevalent. I’ve used Facebook posts, as little devotionals to my sweethearts in the past.

With this in mind, another core PR skill has to be developed: persuasive writing. This starts with having a grasp of basic grammar and how to use it to convey what you want to say. Be honest, doesn’t it frustrate you when you’re reading a text message, but can’t decipher what is the subject and in what tense it is in. Listen to your professors and brush up on your writing skills, because it can serve useful when encouraging, reasoning with and sometimes winning over that special girl or guy in your life.

There are plenty of other ways to tap into social media and technology to enhance your search for true love, so if you know of others feel free to leave a comment and educate us.

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Breaking-up: when it’s time to say no

So you’ve found the person you’ve been wishing for your whole life. You’ve even decided you’re going to marry him or her in the future, and then it happens: your love says the most disrespectful remark to you that you’ve ever heard in your life. Could this be part of a simple lovers quarrel? Possibly, but don’t ignore it. This might be a sign that what you have is not a “match made in heaven.” I’d like to take some time with this post to explain when it’s best to say “NO” to the relationship that you’re in.

Compatibility

While at my internship, an A-list celebrity break up our radio’s airwaves. My boss replied that it can be super hard to be objective when you’re in love. But, the one thing I’ve found to be true is that compatible couples usually last longer. In order to find out how well you really mesh with someone, you must start with making an honest effort to figure out if each of your values is alike. The Bible says it best in Amos 3:3 “How can two walk together unless they agree?” So if you’re an Eco-friendly girl who’s green at heart, and your boo is notorious for littering, you two might want to reevaluate why you’re attracted to each other.

Respect

With all the fine ladies and young studs on Kent State’s campus, it’s not hard to fall for somebody’s looks or boyish charm. But, have you stopped to think about if you respect can a person’s character? It’s a good idea to ask yourself questions like, “Is this person someone I can depend on or can I trust them?” Respect also is reflected by how someone treats your boundaries. If it seems they are always pressuring you to do things you don’t want to, like having sex or lending large sums money, then your significant other doesn’t respect you. It may be time to find a healthier relationship.

Being able to say no, and standing behind your convictions, is the most important part of any relationship. It reminds each party in a relationship, that as individuals you have wants and needs. No matter what situation you’re in, when God puts it on your heart to say goodbye to a romantic relationship don’t ignore Him. Even though it can be hard, God has your best interest at heart and often times some of the friends; relatives and even lovers in your life cannot go where He has predestined for you to be.

Have something to add to this discussion? Don’t be shy, input is appreciated as this post is a chance for students to learn, grow and express themselves.

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The game: How to get know them

Let’s be honest, sometimes the hardest part about dating is telling a person, “hey, I like you.” But, be encouraged, because this is also what makes courtship so exhilarating. So students, before you psych yourself out, just remember that the person meant for you will see you for who you are.

How to break the ice

How do I break the ice?

• Compliments are something everyone accepts. Go ahead and tell that person how trendy their jacket looks on them. Besides being flattering, a nice gesture can really brighten someone’s day when they might have been feeling down.

• Ask him or her to play a fun game. Playing games, whether it be dealing a hand of spades or a thumb wrestling challenge, are engaging ways to break the ice; especially if the person is learning a game they aren’t familiar with.

• Shock value is what advertisers use to keep eyes glued to T.V. screens. It can also grab a potential date’s attention as well. So if you’re comfortable with it, try singing and dancing for that person who’s caught your eye. While extroverts are better at this than other personality types, we all have the capacity to step outside of our shell.

Okay, so you might be saying, “That’s nice, but I’ve been around my special someone for a while and want to know whether or not to get serious?”

Dating “experts” can go on all day about what to do next, but it all boils down to one point: Make sure you’re meeting them, and not their representative.

Chris Rock in romantic-comedy I think I love my wife

Comedian Chris Rock pointed out in his series “Bigger and Blacker,” that we as people tend to put on a “front” when initially meeting someone we like. I believe showing your best qualities is natural, but it is still necessary to be yourself and keep it real. Some individuals suppress, or even lie, about who they are to win over others. This is not cool, and it taints the dating-scene of its integrity as a whole.

The no-brainers of knowing if he or she is the one

Time
Last week, I spoke to my friend, Minister Kenan Gabriel about courtship. The 2005 Kent State graduate, who is now married said that a lot of the whole mystery in courting is time.

“Usually most people don’t take the time to find out the real deal,” says Kenan. “When my wife and I were dating, we asked each other those important questions to find out if we were compatible.”

Virtual presence
Once given the nickname “Facebook stalking,” checking out a stranger’s profile on social networking sites is an acceptable practice among employers. So, I don’t see why it can’t be acceptable to do so with a potential love interest. College students should use the internet as leverage during their pursuit of friendships and relationships.

Most importantly, remember that God knows all things. Please, don’t neglect to pray that He reveals the truth to you during your season of courtship.

Feel free to add to this discussion, any thoughts, comments or experiences you have when it comes to getting to know your partner.

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Let’s talk about sex

In 2012, there’s a three-letter word that’s hard to avoid: sex. It’s a driving force in our media, whether we’re tuned in to reality T.V. or casually listening to the radio. Heck, even Kent State dedicates a week to “Sextoberfest,” to celebrate the sexual liberation of being in college. Since, college students are constantly barraged by sexually charged messages, I thought of a concept. Why not seek the opinion of God among all the chatter? By the way, He’s the authority on how to have the best sex.

Pastor Joshua Harris book on life, love and courtship according to God's plan

A book that I’ve found to be great at explaining what God intended sex to be is boy meets girl by Joshua Harris. Boy meets girl is the follow-up to I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Joshua Harris is a pastor, whose first book chronicled how he left the dating game at 21-years-old. Now he’s helping others, by tackling the issue of biblical courtship by sharing his testimony of how he pursued his wife Shannon.

“The Bible let’s us know that God celebrates when two lovers have sex that’s pure,” says Joshua. “How much you ask? Well, he almost shouts it in Proverbs 5:18-19: May your fountain be blessed, and you rejoice in the wife of your youth…May her breasts satisfy you always.”

See, scripture shows us that God knew what he was doing when he gave us the pleasures of soft legs, firm muscles, slow kisses and so on. But, when humans reject His plan for romance, and turn sex into what we think it should be that’s when become slaves to sin. Yes, it may be hard to understand, but having sex outside of the commitment of marriage rarely ever truly satisfies. Furthermore, it carries real consequences.

Harris then says what I’m sure all of you are thinking right now by saying:
“Yea, yea okay I agree that sex in marriage sounds great. But none of this deals with my raging sex desire right now! Did God make me this way to torment me?”
He absolutely did not, and although it feels like it for us college students, it’s for our own good. Think about it, if God had made procreation as undesirable as sneezing, it wouldn’t be considered a gift, would it?

How do I make abstinence practical? I’m glad you asked. In boy meets girl, Harris explains how the idea of an off-the-hook sex life in marriage doesn’t just happen; it is planned for. Part of this planning process happens when men and women commit to being disciplined when they are single. A few steps to help put feet to your faith are:

• To avoid slippery slopes or fleeing situations where your commitment to God might be compromised (1 Chorinthians 6:18).
• Make yourself accountable. This ties into the first point. You should find someone in your life (not your boyfriend or girlfriend) that will lovingly hold you to a standard of righteousness (Proverbs 27:17).
• The Bible says to acknowledge God in all your ways (Proverbs 3:6). This doesn’t refer to just easy parts but also the complex parts of our lives including our jobs, education, sex-lives, and relationships. Be aware not to make these tangible things into idols to fill a void where the Lord should and wants to rule.

American society sometimes looks at sex as taboo and gives it nicknames like “doing the nasty.” But, this is merely people’s way of countering the heavy influence the media has had on how we view sex. The reality is that the Lord does not honor the world’s perversions of sex, but He does get the glory when we do it within marriage (Hebrews 13:4). I pray that we be encouraged, no matter relationship status, because God’s plan for our sexuality is beautiful and greater than what society tells us it should be.
Leave a comment and share your thoughts on this relevant topic.

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Love 2.0: The rise in online dating

One thing that goes without saying is that we live in a Web 2.0 world where the internet connects people defying boundaries. Today you can’t mention the web without talking about online dating. It traces its roots back 15 years according to several scholarly journals from Kent State’s research databases. The early forms of online dating were found on platforms like AOL chat rooms, email and webcam sites. But have you ever wondered how online dating became so popular? Here are a few reasons to consider:

I’m too busy to date

During my brief usage of an online dating site, many of the profiles mentioned that the person was giving the “online thing” a try because they were so busy. The typical college student is wearing more hats than ever before, so looking for ways to streamline finding a mate is increasing.

I don’t know how to unplug

As college students, many of you have heard this in your communications classes: Our society doesn’t know how to “unplug.” I’ve had to read several news articles on the pros and cons of being too technology savvy as a journalism student at Kent State. First the Facebook phenomenon had us glued to our desktops; next the invention of smart phones had us trying to multitask when we shouldn’t be (like when driving). So it’s no surprise that the urge to be “logged in” has spilled into our social lives. Ironically, entrepreneurs are finding ways to make a killing off this urge by tailoring social networking sites to help people to engage in romance.

I just want to be held

A New York Times article The Recession. Isn’t It Romantic? draws an interesting correlation between how grim our economy has been recently to the rise in online dating.

“At a time when money is scarce or uncertain, when people are assessing their priorities, they don’t want to go through it alone,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a college professor and relationship expert at perfectmatch.com. The 2009 article describes how the pursuits of single people trying to find love to be increasing both online and offline.

Where are young people looking for love or at least hot date, you ask? Here are a few of the internet’s top matchmaking websites.

EHarmony.com was created in 2000 and has since gained more than 33 million users worldwide. It is one of the first websites of its kind to include a 29 point accountability test. Started by Neil Warren, psychologist and Christian theologian, the site boasts the reputation of being rooted in integrity and being results oriented.

Plentyoffish.com has grown to become a leader in the online dating scene by being one of the first successful free online dating models. It launched in 2004, with a page layout similar to Facebook making it easy for even a novice to see success with virtual dating. POF.com is very popular among the 18 to 30 crowd.

Zoosk.com is a promising newcomer to the market that launched in December 2007. Its rapid success stemmed from its ability to  be accessed by your social networking accounts including Facebook, Twitter and Bebo.

Before you go off to partake in the fun that the web has to offer, please think about your safety first. Yes, I know we’re all big boys and girls but remember to practice wisdom by doing the following:

  • Not putting personal info on web profiles like names and addresses
  • Agreeing to meet a person in a public place preferably with people that you know
  • Posting classy photos. Sure, risque pictures may get you noticed but they can also seriously harm your reputation

Feel free to leave your thoughts, opinions or experiences about the increase in online dating.

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Let the sparks fly: tips on gifts for the college couple

Happy February KSU! It’s that time of year again were stores are going to be riddled with naked babies with drawn arrows.

This is a great time to get into the topic of how to create a spark in your relationships. In American culture, it is seen as a romantic gesture to surprise your guy or gal with gifts. With Valentine’s Day only a week away, let’s open a discussion on how to earn brownie points with your significant other or simply gain the attention of the special someone you would like to know better.

GENTLEMEN

Surprise her with a heavenly fragrance

My first tidbit of advice for my college men is to be attentive to your lady. Once you figure out what items she simply can’t live without, it makes surprising her easy and so much fun! Fellows, if she’s open to it, you may want to take a look around your girlfriends’ dorm room or apartment to see what things seem to be necessities to her. Often times these include lotions and fragrances, shoes and accessories. However, do not just go for the stereotypical flower and candy when it’s time to treat your lady because every woman has a different taste, hence getting to know her interests is key.

Some suggestions that have worked wonders with yours truly are:

  • Jewelry sets: These are a great way to place your mark your girl’s heart. First find out what type of jewelry she’s into (or if you don’t know just guess). Then go online and start finding which retailers have the best deals. A few that I would suggest are Kohl’s, JC Penny’s and Filene’s Basement.
  • Perfumes and fragrances: Getting your girlfriend her favorite fragrance is mutually beneficial because as men you can enjoy every second of being near her. If she has too many perfume bottles than her desk has space, do no fret. The one you buy her will become her preferred scent because it now has sentimental value.
  • Flowers: Similar to perfumes, there’s something about the smell of a freshly bloomed flower that lifts people’s moods. So guys don’t listen to your roommates when they tell you buying flowers are old fashion. A neat trick would be to spray her favorite perfume on the flower, then surprise her with it in class to see how that makes her feel.

LADIES

Bring out the "baller" in him with an NBA Live video game

While the men have to be observant and put forth some effort to woo their love interests, the ladies have it made. Men in general, but specifically brothers in college, are simple and easy to please. Just like our female counterparts, we have a few things that we can’t live without.

  • Video Games: College women cannot go wrong with buying their boyfriends a video game system or games for the one he already owns. Not sure what to get? According to ConsumerReports some of the most popular games among men are Call of Duty, NBA and NFL Live, Mortal Kombat and Halo.
  • Dinner: Whoever said the to a man’s heart is through his belly must have married Rachel Ray. But seriously, an easy way to please your boo this Valentine’s Day is by making him a candle lit dinner. For those with limited cooking experience don’t worry, if he loves you he will appreciate the time you put into the meal, drown it in his favorite condiment and enjoy his evening.
  • Clothes: Whether you get him Hollister or Hanes, every college guy appreciates when his girlfriend is willing to add to his wardrobe.

Just remember, it’s not about the gift but the love that comes with it. Always tell that special someone how much they mean to you. So enough about my ideas, please comment on ways that you make your significant other feel special. I hope this post sparks some ideas in those brains of yours. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The images above are from Google images.

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